Tigger's tail..

...boing.. boing... SPRING.. is still springing, and not yet fully sprung!

YES!

             NO!

                          YES!

       NO!

Spring in NJ is like that. Last weekend I was cycling in shorts today if I venture out I'll need 3 layers & toe warmers. Next weekend it is supposed to be in the mid 70's. One day recently running there were bugs, now I can see my breath again!

Daffodils and crocus don't seem to care. They press up to the sky regardless of the clouds or sunshine. It is reassurance to me to stay in the mindset of a crocus; push up through the cold, face to the sun. YUP.. simplistic but a metaphor for perseverance in seeking joy.

working for me.. 

What sense did THAT make?

Today I am building on the concept of control of events in our lives. This is a discussion that continued in another media this past week.

The situation brought to discussion was that a young woman who did missions work outside the United States died in a car accident.

"She was killed within the year on a trip- her van carrying the group was hit by a drunk driver on the way to the airport in BOSTON. Every day is special and a gift from God. Don't let fear stop you from making a change in this messed up world."

I responded, "We work in a trauma center. Just maybe we understand you can't calculate risk to always be safe. We CAN limit what we can control, that's the difference. "

A response was, "Yes but we can't make it make sense.... "

I responded, " ..and there lies a truly unanswerable question.. does it have to? .. and to whom?? Why do "we" have to have things make sense NOW vs act because it is the right thing? How can we make sense of tragedy? Sense= anxiety reduction. Not always sure the sense WE make IS the sense intended.. ugh.."

So, there was the  question. How do we decide, calculate risk when in fact we can't. Of course activities have different levels of risk, that's why they are called CALCULATED risks. 

My point is wondering when a calculated risk should paralyze us from acting on behalf of the *greater good*.   

_________ is changing...

Hello there.. the time changed; I sprung forward a week ago. Curious to me that everyone I know hates the back & forth of the time moving. Most people I know like it just the way it is now. 

Those of us who like to exercise after work are happy again. We can squeak out just enough daylight for a short run or ride already. We've had 70 degrees here of late. Ahhhhh, but we always seem to get one last blast snow storm even after the daffodils are shining their bright faces.

People I know are changing. A friend is flying home from Uganda after caring for over 1,000 children. As an MD I know her spirit has been changed forever. 

I know that there are many who say they *hate change*. However, I think that it is the LACK of change that frustrates many more of us. The people who like to sell us stuff sure think that. Why is it when I find the perfect running shoe within 9 months it is "endangered", discounted, and then revamped? 

Maybe this is all a control issues. Maybe we only want to control what changes. 


Ugh, I was going to keep this saturday post light. So, back to coffee and hugging my cat.

 

Implosion of soul..

Storm has passed. Now day breaks and the sun rises to find calm. So many I know are without power this morning, and others have seen tremendous damage from falling trees. We are still safe, can find a warm place to stay and drive to have a meal.

A dear friend awoke from her mosquito netted room this same day, although hours ahead of us. She has brought medical supplies and others to Uganda. As a doctor she will spend a week healing with her hands. She has already healed many and hugged more children than any one of us could in a week. 

Several days before she left a co-worker in the hospital lashed out at her saying she was selfish to go, it was unsafe. I worry more for that person than my friend. No, it isn't 100% safe but tell me where is? Yes, I understand calculated risk. But how can we calculate for the unexpected ALL THE TIME?

Fear may cause in implosion of soul that inhibits the very nature we have within us... to live fully, joyfully, and go out on a limb.......

Moments In Time..

Many years ago I wrote a lot of poetry. It wasn't to be published but written for myself to process my thoughts and experiences. One poem I wrote is called MOMENTS IN TIME (c). The poem aside, I was pondering this morning about the concept again. 

one moment

One moment may bring a new life, a record in sports, the time changing; so many moments come to my mind including the past few weeks where I work. One moment I was working through my day and the next I was planning a memorial service for an employee. The accused, another employee. Our work community and waves of connected people are forever altered. One moment a life here and the next gone. Disease, trauma, natural disaster, intention... intention is keeping many of us awake at night.

I am...

PERPLEXED, grateful, tired, sad, enormously blessed, and still perplexed...

Who needs reality TV?

Who would have known that as I posted the blog about suffering-fatigue that a horrific tragedy would surface where I work. The bulk of my week was spent debriefing staff and preparing a memorial service. So many lives are directly and forever changed. Much like an earthquake or tsunami, so has this event affected hundreds of people. Much more debriefing will follow in the coming weeks.

My debriefing? Today I will partake in the eventual 50 degrees we will experience, with a short bike ride. Tomorrow.. a run?

How do each of us cope with our own personal and global "injury" of reality.